


It's Life But Not As We Know It

by Ankhesanamun



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3776404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankhesanamun/pseuds/Ankhesanamun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The adoption of a baby leads to some changes on the Enterprise. How will the characters cope with their shared pasts? AU B/P</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a story I started work on several years ago but having lost my way with it, I have decided to re-write each chapter and start posting it here. There are at least ten more chapters that have been written but that just need proof-reading and editing so I will be posting regularly.
> 
> This story is set in the Star Trek The Next Generation Universe but also has characters popping up from the Star Trek Voyager Universe and is most definitely AU.
> 
> I own nothing from any Star Trek genre obviously.

The noises of the wind and rain hid the whine of the transporter beam, as a young woman materialised on the front lawn of the Janeway homestead unnoticed by any who might be watching.

Stumbling against the strong wind that had suddenly started to push against her, the woman pulled her coat tighter around her slender frame and carefully made her way towards the warm glow emanating from the windows of the old-fashioned house.

Finally reaching the cover of the front porch, the woman wiped her sodden, red hair out of her eyes and pressed her hand insistently against the door chime.

"Coming,… coming," a voice called from within and within moments light flooded the porch and the door opened. "Now how can I help… Beverly?" The older woman cried in astonishment.

"Gretchen, I'm sorry, I know it's late, it's just I needed… and I didn't think… but I needed…" Beverly trailed off, her shoulders trembling and her eyes full of tears as she gazed at the older woman pleadingly.

"Oh sweetheart, come in, come in." Gretchen insisted, pulling Beverly gently but firmly into the warm hallway. Knowing how cold the younger woman must be, Gretchen quickly bustled her towards the living room. "Oh my dear, you're frozen solid, quickly let's get you near to the fire before you catch cold. Edward, we have company." She added as they entered the room where a gentleman was already sat near the roaring fire, his eyes fixed on the PADD that he held in his hands.

Looking up, Edward gasped in surprise as he saw his wife ushering in her waterlogged cousin. Jumping up, he quickly pushed his chair closer to the fire and gestured for Gretchen to seat her in it. Seeing this, Gretchen nodded approvingly and began pulling at Beverly's dripping coat, knowing that the only way to get the young woman warm again was to remove the wet clothing she still wore. However as she fought with the zipper, Beverly suddenly jerked away, wrapping her free arm tighter across her chest and curling her body into itself as though to protect herself.

Confused, Gretchen held up her hands in a calming gesture. "Beverly, sweetie, we have to get that coat off you. If we don't warm you up you'll fall ill. Trust us. We only want to help."

Slowly Beverly began to relax, the gentle tones of her cousin washing over and soothing her, and gradually she loosened the grip she had on her coat and allowed Gretchen to pull it off of her.

"Now that's better, now go and sit…down…" Gretchen trailed off in shock as she saw what had previously been concealed by Beverly's heavy coat.

Startled by the sudden light, the baby began shuffling restlessly in the sling that was strapped to Beverly's chest, delicate cries soon breaking the silence of the room. Instantly Beverly's attention was on the child and carefully lifting her out of the sling, she cuddled the child close, murmuring indistinct words to soothe the babe.

For a while, the child's gentle cries and Beverly's murmuring were all that could be heard as Edward and Gretchen continued to stare at the pair in shock.

Finally the child drifted off and Beverly raised her head to meet the questioning gaze of the couple in front of her.

"I'm sure you must have a lot of questions." She began, a touch of hesitance in her voice.

"Just a few." Edward quipped, a sparkle in his eye reassuring the young woman of their support. "Perhaps before we get into any serious conversations, we might beg a formal introduction to the little one?"

"Of course," Beverly replied, a flush now spreading across her cheeks as the warmth of the room seeped through her. Carefully she loosened the blanket that had protected her child from the weather, and eased her around so that they were able to see the delicate features that adorned the pale face. "This is Kathryn, my daughter and we have a big favour to ask of you."

* * *

**_Nearly twenty years later…_ **

_"Our top story tonight, it has been revealed that Vice Admiral Edward Janeway, his pilot and daughter have been in a shuttlecraft accident just outside of the San Francisco area. The Vice Admiral and pilot were killed on impact but it is believed that his daughter has survived, though her condition is not known at this time._

_More information…"_

Staring at the screen in horror, Dr. Beverly Howard wondered for a moment if her nightmares had become hallucinations, for surely that was the only explanation for what she was now seeing on the screen in front of her. However as the seemingly unaffected announcer continued to share details of the shuttle's crash and it's occupants, showing devastating images of the burnt out craft, Beverly was forced to consider the truth of what she was seeing and feeling her legs wobble, collapsed on the chair nearest to her.

" _We're now getting reports that Kathryn Janeway has been transferred to Starfleet Medical for treatment."_

Lifting her head at the news, Beverly launched herself out of the chair and headed for the door, grabbing her coat and ignoring the voices still coming from the monitor.

* * *

Strolling through the corridors which had seemed so warm and welcoming only the day before, a part of Beverly wondered about how nothing could appear different when something so terrible had taken place. Carelessly returning the smiles that the Nurses and Doctors sent her way, Beverly continued heading towards the emergency department of the hospital, expecting that she would find her daughter there.

Reading the list of admitted patients, Beverly felt both relieved and terrified as she found her daughter's name listed there rather than on the list of emergency patients that she had originally checked. Placing the PADD back in it's holder, Beverly took a deep breath and headed towards the turbolift, the need to see her daughter now almost overwhelming.

As she approached the room however, Beverly's confident steps began to falter and she found herself hesitating outside of the doorway, taking deep breaths as she attempted to calm herself down.

"You can do this, Beverly, you can do this." She muttered to herself, "You are a Doctor, you deal with all types of circumstances everyday, now get in that room," and with renewed determination, Beverly straightened her shoulders and stalked into the hospital room.

However, as soon as she saw her daughter lying still on her hospital bed, all professional thoughts and behaviours left her. No matter what she had tried to tell herself, nothing could have prepared her for that sight, and the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her.

Before she knew what had happened she was stood next to her little girl, mesmerised by the halo of red that surrounded the pale features, so like the ones she saw in the mirror every morning. She sighed and stroked a finger along a delicate cheek, regretting that it taken something so terrible to bring her to her daughter's side once more. She had tried to remain in contact, but watching her child grow, being there only as a cousin had become too painful to bear in more recent years and knowing that to tell her the truth would be more a selfish act on her part than a gift to her daughter, she had distanced herself.

Now running her finger down across the relaxed brow, the one she knew crinkled in just the same way as her father's, Beverly wondered whether anything would have changed had she stayed in contact.

"This isn't your fault, you know." A familiar voice remarked from behind her.

"How can you be so sure? if I hadn't been such a coward, first giving her away and then running away when it got too hard, maybe things would have been different. I never deserved her." Beverly replied, ducking her head to wipe away the tears that were threatening to fall. "I should go."

"Now you listen to me Beverly Howard, all you have ever done was try to protect that girl and although I will agree that some of your more recent choices might not have been wise, you have never once acted in a cowardly fashion and I for one will not allow you to speak of yourself that way." Gretchen snapped, wrapping her arms around Beverly in a tight hug. Stunned, both by the woman's words and then her action, Beverly froze but soon succumbed to the warmth of the woman's embrace and she began to cry, years of emotions breaking past the levy she had built against them.

When her tears began to subside, Beverly realised that she and Gretchen were now sat in the chairs that lined the side of the room. Pulling away, Beverly took a deep breath and gazed at the white tiles that adorned the ceiling, feeling the need to confide in Gretchen and yet still hesitant to tell the truth to this woman who had done so much for her.

"You know Kathryn gets that exact look on her face." Gretchen murmured quietly, almost to herself, "It usually means she has something to tell me but is worried about hurting me. I'll tell you, what I tell her. Spit it out or I'll sick Phoebe on you." Gretchen smiled mischievously and Beverly actually cringed slightly. If Phoebe was anything like she had been when she was younger that was truly a dire threat. The kid could wangle information out of a Romulan spy.

"I stopped coming because I wanted to tell her the truth and take her back. Every time I left I always had this thought in the back of my head, that I could just tell her the truth and take her home with me. That's what stopped me though, she already had a home, a dad, a mum. Who was I to destroy that? I feel so guilty though, because I have never stopped wanting to do it. That's why I stayed away." Beverly couldn't look at Gretchen, the guilt of knowing that, under any other circumstances she would have taken her daughter without a second thought to the pain it would cause others, still gnawing away at her.

For a while Gretchen remained silent, and Beverly wondered if this time her honesty had forced her to pay a price she truly wasn't ready for.

"I can't give you absolution for misplaced guilt, Beverly. You're a mother and to have keep leaving your child behind… well let's just leave that there. The fact remains that although you thought about it, you never did anything about it. We can wonder all we like about whether that would have changed anything that happened here today but the fact remains that you gave me twenty years with a beautiful daughter who I never would have had otherwise, and for that I will always be in your debt."

"You made sure my daughter was safe, that she grew up loved and never having to look over her shoulder, that's all I ever wanted for her. There is no debt." Beverly assured her before standing and walking over to her daughter's bedside once again. "Oh my little one. You grew up so perfectly and I'm sure both your fathers are extremely proud of you." She looked and met Gretchen's eyes, who now stood across the bed from her. "I know your mothers are."

"That we are."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Same rules apply. Not mine, just playing.

 

* * *

_Later that same day…_

"Oh my darling girl, I wondered when I'd be hearing from you." Nana sighed sadly down the comm-link and once again, Beverly felt the tears well up in her eyes. She shook her head, 'you'd think her tear ducts would have run dry by now', she thought sardonically. "How are you faring?"

"Oh you know, Nana, terrible with a side of spectacularly horrific. My baby girl could have died today. I could have lost her and without her…" Beverly's voice trailed off weakly.

"Without her knowing that you are her mother." Nana finished for her, smiling compassionately. "I know my love, I know."

"What am I going to do, Nana? I'm not sure I can keep up the charade any longer. I know that it was my decision to do this, but now all I know is that I need my child to know the truth." Beverly stared down at the image of her grandmother and not for the first time, wished that they were closer to each other. "What she does with it is her own choice, but I need her to know how much I love her and that I gave her up for a reason. She's an adult now and I think it's time, don't you?"

"My darling girl, I've been telling you for years that I believed this lie was hurting the both of you, and so if you feel that you are finally ready to tell her the truth then so be it. My only advice is keep in mind that she lost her father today and whether he is biologically that or not, it's what she knows and that wound will be deep. Help her heal first and when she is ready for the truth, you'll both know it."

"Thank you Nana," Beverly replied earnestly. "I've decided that I'm going to ask Starfleet Medical for some time off once Kathryn is home, probably at least until the Enterprise departs. No matter what, I will be there for my daughter this time."

* * *

"I don't care what Captain Picard says, my appointment to the Enterprise is being delayed until they reach Farpoint Station. I don't understand why this is such a big issue for him. He hardly needs a CMO between Utopia Planetia and Farpoint. The change has been approved by Starfleet Medical and since he agreed with their appointing me in the first place, he can just take his objections and stuff them where the sun don't shine." Beverly snapped, throwing an irritated glare at the cowering man in front of her. "You got that Lieutenant?"

"But…" He stammered.

"No buts, Lieutenant, pass on my message and tell Captain Picard next time he can come see me in person." Beverly sneered. "Dismissed."

The Lieutenant all but bolted out of the room, nearly taking out Gretchen who stood staring at her cousin, an expression of awe on her face.

"You almost made him cry! What happened to first do no harm?" She quipped.

"Gretchen." Beverly beamed at seeing her cousin standing there. "Well, unfortunately for that Lieutenant, he was just the messenger to someone who is really starting to annoy me. I'm sure I'll be able to track him down and apologise later. Now what can I do for you?"

"Oh Kathryn's being discharged tomorrow which is good, but to be honest I'm worried about switched off she still is to everything going on around her. It's like she's decided that if she doesn't connect to the world, what's happening in it can't hurt her." Gretchen sighed in annoyance. "She'd rather hide from the source of her pain than let herself admit that it has any power over her."

Beverly forced away the smirk that was threatening to spread across her face. "Just like her father," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Gretchen asked before she could stop herself, Beverly so rarely mentioned Kathryn's biological father, that Gretchen couldn't stop herself from snatching at an opportunity to learn more.

Beverly looked a little stunned at being caught out but rallying herself, she took a deep breath and explained.

"Her father is just like that. Always has to appear strong, even when he's practically dying on the inside. I always told him…well anyway Kathryn reminded me of him. I wouldn't worry too much Gretchen, we'll keep an eye on her, and you and Phoebe just keep giving her the chance to talk once you're home. I'm sure she'll be fine and I promise I will be there to visit as soon as I can get away from here."

Gretchen smiled wanly, still worried about her daughter but choosing to take solace from Beverly's words. "Thank you Beverly and yes you are expected for dinner, in a week at the most." She ordered before gently hugging the young doctor and heading back to their child.

* * *

"Oh Beverly, how nice to see you." Phoebe muttered, as she opened the door to the Janeway household, over a week later. "Please come in," she added a moment later.

"Hey Phoebe," Beverly greeted as she entered the unnaturally silent house, "how are you managing?"

"Oh better than can be expected I suppose. I mean I still miss Daddy, but I'm coping." Phoebe explained sadly.

"And your mother and sister?" Beverly asked gently as she followed the younger woman through the darkened corridors towards the kitchen.

"Mom's struggling but she focused more on trying to help Kathryn, than dealing with losing Daddy." Phoebe responded sadly, picking up a kettle and moving to fill it. "Ever since she came home Kathryn hasn't left her bed. All she does is sleep, she's drowning in her grief." She explained, "I don't know what to do, if this keep going on I'm worried I'll lose them both."

Beverly looked at her young cousin sadly, taking in the large bags beneath normally expressive eyes, the features that had become even paler and walking over, she took the kettle from her. "Go take a shower and then try and get some sleep. I'll check on your mum and then deal with your sister."

"Thanks Beverly." Phoebe murmured appreciatively as she headed back down the corridor and towards the stairs.

* * *

After first checking on Gretchen, who had fallen asleep on a sofa in the living room, Beverly headed upstairs to her daughter's room.

Having spent a few minutes knocking on the old fashioned door calling for Kathryn, but being subsequently ignored, Beverly instead turned the knob and walked straight in.

Upon entering, she was forced to wait a moment as her eyes struggled to adjust to the darkness that filled the usually cheerful room.

As she waited Beverly considered the best course of action to drag her daughter out of her depressive state, and as her eyes picked up on the lump that lay curled beneath the bedclothes, her lips curled into a mischievous grin. She knew just what to do.

"Computer, lights 100 percent."

The brightness of the lights caused Beverly's eyes to sting a little but based on the muttered curse that emanated from the bed, she knew that the light had caused it's occupant far more pain.

"What the hell?! Computer dim lights." A hoarse voice yelled from beneath a pillow.

"She speaks," Beverly commented sarcastically, "and here I thought that you'd turned into a mute. What a joyous day."

"Yes, I can speak. Now will you please go away and let me sleep?" Kathryn begged, dragging the covers back up over her head.

"Nope. Time to get up." Beverly stated firmly, climbing up onto the bed and stamping around on it. "Come on, you don't use those leg muscles and they're going to stop working permanently. So let's go, let's go." She ordered, nudging Kathryn towards the end of the bed.

"No, now leave me alone."

Beverly quirked an eyebrow and looked down at the dishevelled head that was even now trying to burrow its way back under the pillow.

"Have it your way," and with that she leapt off the bed and in one smooth motion lifted up the side of the mattress and tilted the duvet, pillows and horrified occupant onto the floor. "Fantastic, look you're up. Now shower and get dressed. We have things to do."

Kathryn stared at her mutinously, however used to such an expression from long ago, Beverly remained unfazed and simply stared back. Eventually and with a huff of impatience, Kathryn turned and stalked towards the bathroom door.

"Oh and don't try crawling back into bed, you have ten minutes to shower and meet me downstairs or it'll be a jug of ice water to that bed of yours!" Beverly called after her, ignoring the angry mutterings that now emanated from behind the closed door.

* * *

Beverly sighed as she enjoyed the warmth of the late autumn Indiana sun on her face, determined to soak up as much of it as she could before she was limited to the artificial light of the Enterprise. Beside her Kathryn's head was lowered as though determined to keep any light from reaching her face. Even without the benefit of seeing her features, Beverly was certain that the same expression of exasperated annoyance still adorned them. Whether she knew who he was or not, Kathryn reminded her so much of her father, especially when such expressions spread across her face.

Kathryn was extremely annoyed at being dragged away from the safety of her bedroom but her stubbornness wouldn't allow her to admit that she had been beaten by Beverly and that the reality was that life outside of her bedroom continued.

"I can feel you smirking." Kathryn muttered, still keeping her face lowered.

"I'm sure you can, why don't you lift up your head so you can get the full effect?" Beverly teased lightly, simply pleased that Kathryn had initiated the conversation, however her triumph was short-live as Kathryn ignored the retort and continued staring at the ground.

"Ok, we've walked far enough today." Beverly confirmed soon after, sitting down on a nearby log and gazing out at the open fields of corn all around her.

Silent except for the faint sounds of cows in the distance, Beverly happily soaked up the feeling of peace that seemed to permeate every living thing surrounding her. Well all but one, she sighed, as she gazed at the taught figure of her child standing across the path from her.

"You want to talk about it?" She asked after a while.

"No."

"Ok."

* * *

"Ok seriously, don't you have anything better to do with your life than hassle me everyday. You're a doctor surely there are people crying out for you to hover over them day in and day out." Kathryn stated irritably a few days later as they strolled along the path that led to the river.

"Nope got absolutely nothing else to do but be here with you." Beverly replied easily, having become accustomed to Kathryn's attempts to get rid of her over the past couple of days.

"Do you know that when I was 14, I wrote a research paper on shared genetic characteristics?" Kathryn mentioned to Beverly, as they walked together a few days later.

"Yes I did, your mother forwarded me a copy, it was thorough and made some very clever connections." Beverly replied calmly, keeping her face free of any emotion. "Why bring it up now?"

"No reason. Just wondered if you'd read it."

* * *

"Has Kathryn ever shown any indication that she knows she's adopted?" Beverly asked Gretchen later that day.

"Oh well, yes. Soon after that research project she did ask me about it." Gretchen replied flippantly as she stirred something that was bubbling happily in a pot.

"Does she know about me?" Beverly asked nervously.

"She didn't then, after I explained in the most basic terms how she came to be with us, she said that she had three parents who clearly loved her and for now it didn't matter if she didn't know who the third one was." Gretchen paused for a moment, placing the spoon in the pot handle holder and wiping her hands thoughtfully. "I don't know if she ever looked into it again. If she did, she never mentioned it to either me or Edward. Has she said something to you?"

"Not in so many words, but I do wonder whether she does know something." Beverly sighed. "I don't know. We'll see I guess. Now is there anything I can help you with?"

* * *

"Are you my birth mother?" Kathryn asked one afternoon as the pair walked through the fields bordering the Janeway homestead.

"Yes." Beverly replied simply. "Does that bother you?"

"No. I mean you're here, you're not fighting with Mom, you never have from what I can tell. She told me that you gave me up because we were in danger so I can hardly fault you for that. Plus you stayed in my life."

Beverly regarded her silently, both amazed and worried about the matter of fact way that Kathryn had summed up their relationship and her own actions. Studying her daughter, Beverly wondered if this was another demonstration of Kathryn's maturity or of her continued attempts to close herself from her own emotions.

"Do you have any questions for me? I doubt that those were the only thoughts you had on the subject."

"Who is my father?" Kathryn asked immediately.

"His name is Jean-Luc Picard."

"Captain Jean-Luc Picard?" Kathryn responded in astonishment.

"Thats the one. We were together right when I was starting medical school. He was very dashing and I loved him a great deal."

"Does he know about me?"

"No, no he doesn't." Beverly admitted shamefully. "He was already on a two year deep space assignment when I found out I was pregnant with you and by the time he got back, well things had happened and you were with the Janeways."

Kathryn looked like she was going to say something in response, but instead a thoughtful expression crossed her face and standing up she began to pace. Beverly simply watched her daughter. Her hair shone in the sun, the light making it shine like fire, and the leg which had been badly broken in the accident now showed no signs of damage, as Kathryn continued pacing back and forth in front of her.

"I can't call you Mom." She finally said.

"I wouldn't expect you to and right now I'm not even sure I would want you to. Now don't take that the wrong way, my little one," Beverly interjected as Kathryn turned to her in shock. "I love you more than I could ever say, I always have. You are my daughter, but you are also Gretchen's and I won't take that away from her. She protected and cared for you when I couldn't, so that title belongs to her. I still have a ways to go until I've earned a similar one."

Kathryn nodded but Beverly sensing her daughter still needed some reassurance, moved over to her and pulled her gently into her arms.

"You were and are the most important thing to me in the entire universe. My perfect little one, I love you more than there are stars in the sky." And although it was muttered into her shoulder, Beverly felt a weight lift off of her shoulders as she heard a soft "Thank you" come from her daughter's lips.

* * *

"Gretchen can I speak to you?" Beverly asked the next day, nerves filling her about what she was about to ask. It had to be done though.

"Of course Beverly. Would you like something to drink?"

"A coffee would be great, thanks Gretchen."

"Now what do you want to talk to me about?" Gretchen inquired, placing the hot drinks down on the coffee table in front of them.

"I want Kathryn to come with when I leave to join the Enterprise in two days." Beverly stated firmly. "I honestly think that taking her with me would help with her recovery."

"Why? How could it help? Taking her away from the only home she knows, the only family…I don't mean that you're not family and obviously you've been a huge help these last few weeks, but explain to me how taking her away is a good idea?"

"She's not getting better here, everywhere she looks there is a reminder of what she has lost and trust me, she won't just wake up one day and be past it. She needs a place to grieve which is brand new and not associated with all these memories. On top of that the Enterprise would provide her with amazing opportunities to learn and continue her studies. I truly believe that it would benefit her Gretchen."

Gretchen stayed silent, a catty part of her was desperately trying to get her to voice some of the more nasty thoughts that were passing through her head but the logical part, the part that still sounded like Edward, agreed with what Beverly was saying. It made sense to give Kathryn a place that was new and not tainted with memories and it would be an amazing experience for her.

The fact remained though, how could she part with her daughter so soon after she almost lost her?

* * *

In the end, Gretchen mused as she watched her daughter step onto a transporter pad two days later, there really was no choice, what her daughter needed was always going to outweigh what she herself might want.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Reviews and constructive criticism welcomed, as positive feedback helps us to improve ourselves.**

* * *

"Welcome aboard the Enterprise," The young transporter chief said, his face lit up with a friendly and welcoming smile, as Beverly and Kathryn materialised on the transporter pad.

Inwardly rolling her eyes at how her daughter was already too distracted by the gleaming interior of the transporter room to even acknowledge the young man, Beverly smiled at him in return and then ushered her daughter out of the room and into the corridor.

"Deck Eight," Beverly called as they entered a nearby Turbolift together. "I've got to go down to Sickbay and check-in, but you're welcome to head onto our quarters or have a wander around the ship if you'd like."

"I'll come with you, I can always unpack later." Kathryn replied, her eyes lit up with excitement and Beverly smiled at the genuine interest that she was showing. Already Kathryn was acting more like herself than she had in weeks, although seeing some of her own bad habits reflected in another was still a little strange.

"What's so funny?"

"Just thinking that of all the things for you to have inherited from me it was my avoidance of packing and unpacking. I would have hoped you'd have inherited my remarkable wit, but I guess such things are too unique to be passed on." Beverly responded, desperately trying to keep a straight face, however as a familiar scowl passed across Kathryn's face, Beverly couldn't help herself and was soon laughing heartily. For a moment, Kathryn attempted to remain serious however the pair were soon laughing hysterically, cheeks aching and stomachs sore.

As the lift came to a halt, Beverly quickly calmed down, thankful that the doors had opened onto an empty corridor. Kathryn following her mother's example, also calmed herself before stepping out into the corridor and following after her.

As they turned a corner, they saw another crewman walking towards them and automatically Beverly's back straightened and her features smoothed into a serene expression, and as they passed him, she smiled and nodded at the man. Seeing this action, Kathryn smothered a smirk and having waited until the crewman had turned the corridor and walked away, she turned to Beverly and said,

"So was that your, 'I'm such a scary doctor lady and look at what a respectable officer I am, walking along as though I wasn't responsible for one of the biggest pranks known to Janeway history?' expression?"

"I'll have you know that was a one off." Beverly replied firmly.

"A one off? Sure… Next I suppose you're going to try and tell me that that wasn't you laughing like an insane woman in the turbo lift not ten minutes ago?" Kathryn continued, raising her voice just enough to have another passing crewman stare at Beverly in shock.

Nodding at the poor crewman, who quickly scurried off, Beverly waited until they were out of earshot before turning on her unrepentant daughter.

"Oh you cheeky little.." She paused, "Just you wait missy, you think that the pranks I've pulled in the past were impressive, you ain't seen nothing yet." She threatened.

"Bring it on." Kathryn retaliated laughingly. "I'm not afraid of you."

"You will be." Beverly sang mockingly.

* * *

The large Sickbay was bustling with activity when Beverly and Kathryn entered it a few minutes later. Looking around the spacious and practical room, Beverly smiled in satisfaction and quickly moved towards her office, which lay in between the treatment area and the research area of the room, leaving Kathryn to gaze around at the room and its occupants. When Beverly looked back to check on her, she found Kathryn idly examining one of the nearby consoles, an impressed but not amazed look on her face. Beverly rolled her eyes lightly in gentle exasperation. She had known from when Kathryn was very small that she would not be following in her own footsteps. Her blue/grey eyes, so like her father's were constantly drawn to the stars and to exploring the mysteries they hid. Medicine for all its wonders was too small an arena for Kathryn to thrive.

"Pardon me?" A voice asked, interrupting Beverly's fond thoughts, causing her to blink in surprise and refocus on the face that had now appeared in front of her.

"Oh I'm sorry, I was off in my own world there." Beverly apologised.

"Oh please, I was the one interrupting but I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Alyssa Ogawa and I'm your new head nurse." Alyssa explained.

"Oh, of course. How lovely to meet you, Alyssa. I'm Beverly Howard, and that wayward red-head over there is Cadet Kathryn Janeway." Beverly explained in return.

"Your daughter?" Alyssa asked innocently. "You do have very similar features and that lovely hair of course."

"Actually the hair is more the colour of her father's than mine," Beverly muttered absentmindedly, "But yes, Kathryn is my daughter."

"Did I hear someone calling my name?" Kathryn called, walking over, seemingly oblivious to the contents of the conversation.

"Yes Kathryn, this is my new head Nurse, Alyssa Ogawa." Kathryn smiled and held out her hand to Alyssa, who took it and shook it politely.

"Great to meet you." Kathryn greeted before turning back to her mother, who before she could even open her mouth interrupted saying,

"No, I know what you were going to ask, but no, you cannot go up to the Bridge. Captain's orders, no children or unauthorised crewman on the Bridge." Alyssa suppressed a chuckle at the exchange and quietly, if a little regretfully excused herself.

"So authorise it." Kathryn replied with a wicked grin, "I really want to see it and it would be an amazing learning experience."

"Learning experience my bum, you just want to see what you can get away with eyeballing before anyone tells you to hoof it, namely the Captain." Beverly replied caustically.

"Oh come on Beverly, I promise I'll be as quiet as mouse, he'll never even realise I was there." Kathryn begged.

"You quiet? I'll believe that when I see it." Beverly quipped, but glancing at Kathryn's pleading expression, she melted. "Alright let me see what I can come up with."

"You rock, Beverly."

* * *

Idly tapping a PADD against her leg, Kathryn almost took a step back as the noise from the Bridge filled the empty turbo lift. Remembering her promise, Kathryn sedately took a step onto the upper Bridge, although her eyes immediately began darting around the room, trying to take in everything that was happening around her. Everywhere she looked there was movement and people and although it reminded her of the Academy, after her near isolation for the past few months, Kathryn was quickly feeling overwhelmed by it all. Desperately trying to resist the urge to turn around and run for the lift, Kathryn didn't notice the body that had stepped behind her until she had spun round and walked into it.

"Miss Janeway?" A serene voice that she hadn't heard in years inquired.

"Mr Data? What are you doing here? I mean I know what you are doing, but I didn't know that you were assigned to the Enterprise." Kathryn exclaimed happily, overjoyed at finding a somewhat familiar face in this otherwise alien place.

"Nor did I know that you were a part of the Enterprise crew. In fact if memory serves me, you are still a Cadet at the Academy, correct?" Data stated calmly.

"Yes, I'm in my final year."

"So what may I ask are you doing here on the Bridge?"

"That is precisely what I would like to know?" A stern voice demanded from behind Kathryn, who flinched slightly and stepped towards and slightly behind Data.

If Jean-Luc Picard was surprised by her actions he didn't show it and Kathryn wondered for a moment if this was how many subordinates reacted to the famous Captain.

"Unauthorised personnel are not permitted to roam about the ship and especially not the Bridge. You should return to where you belong." Picard continued, his voice and manner commanding a sense of respect and obedience and for a moment, Kathryn considered spinning on her heel and leaving the way she had come.

However the fire that made her as much a Howard as a Janeway, flared up at the injustice of being booted of the Bridge without even a simple inquiry being made, (beyond Data's of course) as to why she was there.

"Well then it's a good thing that I have been authorised to be here by the Chief Medical Officer herself." Kathryn explained with a victorious air.

"And why would the Chief Medical Officer authorise you to be here when she should know the rules regarding crewmen not assigned to the Bridge."

"She wanted me to personally deliver a message to you, however if this is an inconvenient time then I can come back later." Kathryn responded, her tone bordering the lines of insubordination.

"No, you may give it to me now." Picard ordered. "What is the message?"

"That you are twenty years late for your physical." A new voice explained, a twinge of sarcasm colouring the gentle tones. "Now Kathryn, I gave you authorisation to be here on the condition that you would be on your best behaviour." Beverly added disapprovingly, as she moved out of the turbo lift to stand next to her daughter.

"I'm sorry Mama." Kathryn said, "I did try to deliver your message, however as the Captain was wishing to ensure that protocol was being followed, I had to obey his orders first."

"Well now that the message has been delivered I believe that you and I should return to our quarters." Beverly commented, her lips curved in a gentle smile at her daughter's unconscious appellation. Nodding in agreement, Kathryn turned towards the turbo lift, smiling at Data as they passed him.

Meanwhile, Picard remained where he was, staring in shock at where he had last seen Beverly and her… daughter.

"Captain, is everything all right?" Data asked, his gentle voice breaking through Picard's shock.

"Yes, Mr Data," Picard replied, after a brief hesitation. "Everything is perfectly fine."

* * *

As she stared through the window at the giant space jellyfish that was floating away from the planet, Kathryn felt something come back to life in her that she hadn't felt since her father died.

The wonder of the Universe and the opportunity to learn more simply by being on the Enterprise, it was exhilarating and filled her with a sense of purpose and life that Kathryn had thought she had lost. She smiled and knew that she would be forever grateful to her mother for giving her the chance to come aboard.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Most days, Deanna Troi loved her job, helping people was what she was made for, quite literally in fact, considering her empathic skills.

Then there were days like this one, where she wished she could put up permanent mental blocks and figuratively take down the shingle on her door.

"You realise glaring at me is actually somewhat unprofessional right?" Kathryn Janeway asked, smiling innocently from where she was sat on the seat in front of her.

Deanna resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Apparently part of the deal that Dr Howard had made with both the younger woman and the woman's adoptive mother was that Kathryn would see the ship's counsellor if she came aboard.

Unfortunately the intelligent young woman had quickly picked apart the deal and realised that although Beverly had made sure she had to attend, she had never never specified that she had to talk and thanks to doctor-patient, or in this case, counsellor-patient confidentiality, Deanna couldn't even tell Beverly about Kathryn's defiance. It was all extremely frustrating.

"You're right of course, I apologise, however most other counsellors don't have such a delightful patient as you to contend with." Deanna commented.

"Oh now that can't possibly be true. I've been polite and even tried to be funny. Plus I've only come to see you twice, how could I have possibly earned such derision already?" Kathryn asked, her tone full of feigned hurt.

"Well for one thing, most patients who come to see counsellors actually want to talk and even those who have been referred are usually more willing to at least fake an attempt at listening to me." Deanna countered, figuring that any talking was better than nothing, if only because it was far less boring this way. "You on the other hand informed me of the deal made by your mothers during the first appointment, how you had then found a way around the spirit of it and how that meant that you had absolutely no intention of speaking with me. Did I miss anything out?"

"No I think you got it all and yeah, I guess when you say it like that, it sounds kinda bad." Kathryn admitted reluctantly.

"It sounds all bad, but lucky for you this session is over and I've got another patient." Having heard this Kathryn leapt to her feet but paused as Deanna spoke again. "In all fairness though, you've been through some tough times recently and even if you won't talk to me, please find someone that you can talk to."

"I'll think about it." Kathryn promised quietly as she stepped out of the counsellor's office.

* * *

Why on earth had she promised that, Kathryn wondered to herself as she wandered aimlessly down the Enterprise's long corridors. She neither wanted nor needed to talk to anyone. She was fine. She was sleeping normal hours again and if her eating habits weren't perfect they were still better than they had been, so what was the problem?

There was no problem, this desire to make her talk was just another way to make her act like Phoebe, all sharing and smiles. Well she would never be like that and now she knew why. Guess genetics really did outweigh nurture. She had never been as outgoing as her bubbly sister and now having met her father, she was starting to recognise where some of her introverted traits had come from. He never seemed to share or do anything outside of running the ship, so it was hardly her fault, clearly genetics had just beaten out years of exposure to Phoebe and her dad.

So lost in her thoughts, Kathryn didn't notice the other person turning into the corridor until she ran straight into them.

"Miss Janeway, I believe it is helpful to watch where one is going when they approach a corner." Data suggested, as he offered a hand to help her back onto her feet.

"I'm sorry Mr Data, I was lost in my own thoughts. It won't happen again."

"Apology accepted, as I am neither hurt nor upset by your actions there is not cause for concern."

"Thank you Mr Data."

"May I ask what was so consuming of your thoughts?"

"Oh just considering how powerful genetic influences are and how they can still seem to overwhelm nurtured traits and experiences."

"I see. Were you considering the impact of Dr Howard's genetic makeup or Captain Picard's?"

"Captain Picard?" Kathryn asked in shocked astonishment.

"Why yes, for is he not your sire along with Dr Howard?"

"But how did you…?"

"Simple really. Soon after you came aboard, I noticed that you not only several shared traits with Dr Howard but also with Captain Picard."

"Oh." Kathryn replied, slightly stunned. "You never said anything though."

"Of course not. Had either yourself or Dr Howard wished for it to be known then I believe you would have informed the Captain. Although I must admit to feeling slightly perplexed as to why the truth has been concealed, it is neither my choice nor my place to say anything." Data explained calmly.

"Thank you Mr Data." Kathryn responded appreciatively, "I mean Lieutenant Data."

Data simply nodded in return before turning and strolling away, once again leaving Kathryn alone with her thoughts.

* * *

A few minutes later, Kathryn walked into Ten Forward, still feeling slightly stunned by the conversation that she had had with Data. So many thoughts were now floating around her head that she felt even more overwhelmed than she had during her counselling session.

Heading towards the windows, Kathryn sighed contentedly as she gazed at the stars, a familiar calm sweeping through her.

Ever since she was a child, she always looked to the stars during times of pain and hardship. Staring at her old friends once more, she remembered how she had frequently seen Captain Picard perform similar action and wondered if he too sought their calming influence.

Shaking her head at the direction that her thoughts had once again taken, Kathryn almost growled in frustration. No matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't prevent her thoughts from turning to her father.

"Growling at the stars. Considering how much you gaze at them, it seems odd that they would annoy you so much that you would feel the need to growl at them." A voice stated gently from beside her and startled, Kathryn turned to see Guinan standing next to her.

"It's not the stars that are bothering me. Just the path that my thoughts keep treading, but you already knew that of course." Kathryn smirked sardonically at the woman. "You and Deanna should form a team, between the two of you, I'm sure no one would be able to keep a secret."

"You assume I wish to hear your secrets, I was simply stating my surprise at hearing you growl at the stars." Guinan replied simply. "Now might I get you a drink?"

"A black coffee would be perfect." Kathryn replied after gazing at the woman slightly suspiciously for a moment. Guinan nodded and moved away leaving Kathryn to return her gaze back to the stars.

"Beautiful aren't they?" A strong voice commented not long after, and Kathryn almost leapt away in surprise. Taking a deep breath, she turned and nodded shakily at the man now stood to her left. "I've often found myself captivated by them, wondering at the stories and knowledge that might be learnt from them." Picard continued, his eyes still on the sparkling gems outside, however noting the lack of response from the young woman beside him, he turned to look at her, suppressing the jolt of pain that shot through him at seeing the face that looked so like the woman he loved-had loved, he corrected himself absentmindedly. "I'm sorry, I'm interrupting your solitude. If you will excuse me." He turned to leave, however breaking from her stupor, Kathryn quickly called out,

"No wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean…I apologise I was being rude, I was just a little star-struck I suppose." Kathryn explained, lying slightly, but smiling in relief as Picard remained, although she noted his ear tips seemed to have reddened a little. Was the great Captain embarrassed?

"Yes, well." Picard stammered. "How are you liking the Enterprise?" He asked, smiling softly as Kathryn's eyes lit up at the question.

"It's amazing, Captain. There's so much to learn about, so much to see. Some of the experiments that they're running in the labs, they're incredible," Kathryn replied enthusiastically, pausing to smile at him, "Thank you so much for allowing me to come on board."

"You are very welcome, Miss Janeway, it's been my pleasure to have you aboard." He hesitated. "I take it your mother is settling in as well?"

"Oh yes. She's absolutely in love with her new sickbay. Every night it's a new wonder that she's discovered." Kathryn chuckled, remembering her mother's enthusiasm over some gadget the night before. "She's loves it here, but I'm sure she's mentioned that at Staff briefings. I know Counsellor Troi mentioned how happy Mama seems." Kathryn smiled at Picard, however her comments did not seem to have pleased him as his face which had opened up at Kathryn's enthusiasm over his ship, had now closed off at the descriptions of her mother.

"Well no she has not, but I'm glad to hear that she has settled in. Now if you will excuse me Miss Janeway, I need to return to the Bridge," and with that Picard abruptly spun on his heel and left.

"Oh, of course, Captain." Kathryn replied in shock, still staring at the spot where her father had been standing.

* * *

Seeking sanctuary in his ready room, Picard tried to drag his traitorous thoughts away from Beverly Howard and her daughter. The daughter that had been fathered by someone else. Someone that wasn't him.

Dropping his head into his hands, he sighed heavily as he thought about the last time that he had seen Beverly before she had arrived on the Enterprise.

* * *

_Almost 21 years earlier…_

"I've got to go, Beverly, this is the opportunity I have been waiting for ever since I joined Starfleet." Picard explained, a hint of begging in his tone, as he looked at the angry red-head standing across from him.

"And what about me, Jean-Luc? Am I just supposed to wait here for you whilst you go gallivanting across the Universe for the next two years?" Beverly demanded.

"My career is important, Beverly."

"More important than me, you mean?"

"No that's not what I meant. You know I would ask you to come with me, but I would also never ask you to give up Medical School."

"What if I wanted to though? What if I said that I wanted to come with you. What would you do then?" Beverly asked cooly, and Picard hesitated. "Exactly. I love you more than anything Jean-Luc, but you're career will always come first and at this moment all you see me as is an impediment."

"That's not true. I love you and I want to be with you."

"Maybe you do, but you want this position more." Beverly said sadly. "Goodbye Jean-Luc."

* * *

Two days later he had shipped out, his heart heavy with the knowledge that he had made a grave mistake, whilst his head was still convinced that there would be plenty of opportunities to fix their relationship later.

There hadn't been though, Picard remembered sadly. He had tried to contact Beverly whenever he had been within com-range, especially once he believed that she would have had ample opportunity to calm down. She never responded and when he returned to Earth over two years later, he had learned that having gained her medical licence, Beverly had left Earth and headed to a planet to help treat a plague that had been ravaging its population.

Looking back, he now presumed that it had been after she had given birth and subsequently given Kathryn up for adoption that she had fled Earth. However, at the time he had believed she had simply wished to ensure that there was no chance of the pair meeting. He had tried a few more times to make contact but after they too were summarily rejected, he had given up, the reality that he had lost the woman he loved due to his desire to become a Captain now hitting him.

He had regretted giving up so easily in the years that followed, but knew that it had been his own arrogance that had caused the break. He had assumed she would wait even when he hadn't given her any assurances that she meant more to him than his career and had even demonstrated by his actions that she wasn't.

Now he was reminded daily of his mistake as he saw her child walking the corridors of the ship.

The child she had given up.

Something niggled at him whenever he thought about that, his unconscious mind trying to make a connection that his conscious mind couldn't see.

* * *

_"Things are not always what they seem, Mon Capitaine."_


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

Captain Picard was not the only one lost in memories of the past.

At the same moment, Beverly was also sat in her office, staring at her computer. Rather than the usual medical reports, however, the screen was instead filled with a single image of a younger Beverly gazing down at the delicate features of a red-haired, pale faced child, the perfect blend of her parents.

It was a moment of joy and peace frozen in time, but it was also a bittersweet image. For only a month later, Beverly would be forced to hand over her child to the Janeways, and get as far away from her as possible.

Beverly's thoughts, however, had since drifted from the image and the decisions that she was forced to make soon after, and were now centred on the time just before she discovered she was pregnant.

* * *

"Beverly, seriously, you need to calm down." Mia begged, as she watched her fiery roommate pacing angrily around the room.

"Why, why should I calm down? I earned that spot and who get's it? The dooshbag who's daddy is on the board's committee." Beverly snapped angrily.

"Well you'll get the next one you applied for. It's no big deal, it's just one placement after all." Mia soothed.

"It's not just one placement, its THE placement. Micro-surgery is the prime area of medical study right now and there is no other placement that equals it. Now, instead of heading into an area where I can genuinely learn something new and be a part of something big, I'll be heading into something dull like microbiology or worse gynaecology." Beverly shuddered slightly at the thought, before spinning round and collapsing onto her bed. Sinking into the softness of the mattress, she reached up and grabbed her pillow, slapping it over her face, almost as though she hoped that it would block out the evils of reality.

Meanwhile, Mia stared at her friend, her expression thoughtful.

"I don't think losing this placement is the only thing that's bothering you." She muttered, pausing for a moment before speaking again. "So have you heard from him since you broke it off and he shipped out?"

"Heard from who?" Beverly inquired innocently, her voice muffled as she had kept her head underneath her pillow.

"You know who I mean." Mia accused lightly. "Come on hun, I know how much you loved him and as much as you'd like to pretend that it's not bothering you, I know better. You miss him and this breakup is killing you. Losing the placement was just another nail in the coffin."

Beverly rolled over and lifted the pillow up to stare at her friend. For a while the room remained silent, until eventually Beverly murmured,

"No, I haven't heard from him, and I don't expect to. He made his choice and now I have to carry on with my life."

"Oh Beverly, I'm sorry…" Mia began but stopped as Beverly suddenly sat up and moved towards the door.

"I'm going for a walk, I need to clear my head," and with that she left the room leaving a guilty-looking Mia alone.

* * *

Mia was right, Beverly thought to herself as she strode along the paths that lined the Academy's gardens. No matter what she tried to tell herself, the hole left by Jean-Luc's departure felt like a gaping wound and the pain it caused her was such that it was struggle simply to get up in the morning. Intellectually, she knew that she had basically given him his marching orders, but the fact that he had failed to send even a single message since he had left, had devastated her. She had honestly believed that their relationship would go the distance, that she had meant more to him than his career.

She knew that he had been scared at the thought of commitment but to run to deep space, that had honestly surprised her. Why had he done that? They could have worked through his fears, after all he knew that she wanted to complete her medical training and have the chance to practice real medicine before she even thought about settling down. Why he had seemed to begin to believe differently, to think that …well now he had made his choice.

Beverly sighed heavily and flung herself down onto a patch of grass that was surrounded by roses. Idly staring at them, it took Beverly a moment to notice that there was something unusual about these roses.

They were yellow, a beautiful radiant yellow that reminded Beverly, both of the sunflowers that used to grow in the gardens around her grandmother's house, and of the golden hues of the sand dunes on the planet where her parents were killed.

They were mesmerizing.

"They are lovely, are they not?" A rough voice suddenly asked from somewhere deep within the rose bushes surrounding her.

"Pardon?" Beverly gasped, searching around her for the source of the voice.

"My apologies, little lady, I didn't mean to frighten you, just can't help commenting when someone admires my roses." The voice said again, and Beverly stared at the old man who had suddenly stood up in the centre of the roses. "Name's Boothby and I'm the groundskeeper here abouts."

"Nice to meet you Boothby. I'm Beverly and your roses are beautiful." Beverly reached out and gently stroked a finger across a petal. "The colour is breathtaking."

Boothby silently acknowledged her compliment, returning to tending to his roses, seemingly oblivious to Beverly's continued presence. However, now that she was aware of the man's presence, Beverly was suddenly extremely curious about the roses. Before she could even form the question though, Boothby spoke.

"I supposed you're curious about the colour of the roses?"

"Yes, I must admit I am."

Boothy smiled at the young woman before him and straightening up, he gestured to the bushes surrounding him.

"You know most people seem to believe that roses can only be found in three colours Red, Pink and White but this isn't true. Roses can come in all shapes and sizes, as well as almost any colour you can imagine. And each of them has its own special meaning. Red as you may know means passion but yellow, now yellow has a very special meaning. On the surface, they mean friendship and joy but they also carry a far more important meaning." Boothby smiled and leaning down, he gently snipped at the stalk of a particularly beautiful bloom, before standing back up and holding it out to Beverly. "A yellow rose promises a new beginning, and so along with its other meanings it can also be seen as a symbol of hope." He paused and smiled, an expression of peace spreading across his lined features. "That is why I plant them, so that even when someone may feel that they have reached an ending or that there is no hope, there is still this symbol lying within the grounds. Whether you know the true meaning or not, I believe that this feeling of hope can be felt by anyone who needs it."

Beverly smiled, a sense of peace pervading her at the man's words and gazing at the flower in her hand, she found herself seeing the path before her once again.

Her love might be gone, but that was just the end of a chapter not the end of the story. Instead she was now starting a new chapter and with that came hope and a feeling that anything might happen.

It was time to get moving again.

Standing up, Beverly reached out to give the rose back to Boothby, but the old man shook his head and held up his hand,

"Take it with you, I hope it will continue to provide you with the hope you need to continue on your new path."

"Thank you." Beverly murmured, and lifting the fragrant rose to her nose, she inhaled deeply before turning and walking back to her room. A new chapter was just beginning.

It was only a few weeks after that first meeting that Beverly had found out that she was pregnant but seeing her rose, which she had had preserved so that it would never wilt, Beverly had felt her fear diminishing, as instead a sense of hope filled her at the thought of the new journey that having a child would take her on. She may not have had Jean-Luc but she would have their child and that was worth more than anything in the universe.

* * *

"Mama?" Kathryn called as she entered the surprisingly quiet sickbay. "Mama, are you here?" She called again, as she moved towards her mother's office, smiling as she finally caught sight of her mother sitting behind her desk. "Hey, you in there?" She teased as she leant around the doorway.

"Oh Kathryn, I'm sorry I didn't realize that you were here, is something wrong?" Beverly asked, blinking as she noticed her daughter now standing in the doorway of her office.

"Nothing's wrong. It's just time for dinner and you weren't home yet, so I thought I would come and see if you were lost in your work again. Looks like I was right." Kathryn commented chuckling, earning a smile from her mother in return.

"More like lost in thought." Beverly clarified. "Did you say it's time for dinner? I didn't realize it was that late already, but now that I think about it, I'm starving, what do you fancy?"

"How about Italian?" Kathryn suggested.

"Sounds good, just let me grab something from my lab and I'll be right with you." Beverly said, standing up and heading towards the lab. "Is there anything you're thinking of in particular?" She called back.

"Not really," Kathryn replied, and then thinking that she could quickly look up some recipes while she waited, she took a seat at the desk, spinning the computer to face her. However, as soon as the screen faced her, Kathryn froze.

"Ok, I'm ready to…Kathryn are you alright?" Beverly asked as she returned to the office, "Oh," she muttered as she saw what her daughter was staring at.

"Is that..?" Kathryn trailed off.

"Yes. That's you and me. You were just three months in that picture, finally sleeping through the night, mostly, and growing in some more of that carrot top that's haunted you all your life." Beverly teased, but sobered up as Kathryn's face remained still and closed off.

"But I thought…"

"You thought I gave you up as soon as you were born. No, my little one, we had four wonderful months together before I was forced to give you up." Beverly explained.

"Forced?"

"It's a long story. How about we head back to our quarters and I'll tell you the whole story. To be honest, it's long overdue."


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as they entered their quarters, the pair separated, with Kathryn heading for the replicator and Beverly for her bedroom.

Stepping into her closet, Beverly reached up to the unlabelled box that lay on the highest shelf, carefully lifting it down and placing it on her bed. Opening it up, Beverly gently pulled out the brown leather photo album that lay within.

Returning to the living area, Beverly watched Kathryn placing steaming bowls of pasta onto the table for a moment before smiling and heading over.

"Looks delicious, though considering some of the food you've tried to feed me in the past perhaps I should grab my tricorder first." Beverly teased lightly, beaming at the smile that her gentle taunt evoked from her daughter.

"Hey you can't talk, I still remember those home-made cookies you brought over the first week you were visiting after I came home. I've never seen Mom throw food away so quickly before. Phoebe said that she thought she was even going to declare it a bio-hazard."

"Don't get too cheeky with me young lady, don't forget I still owe you one, are you really wanting to increase that to two?" Beverly asked, quirking an eyebrow challengingly.

"Ok, Ok I give, I give. We both suck at cooking, how's that?"

"Not exactly what I was going for but I'll let it go for now."

"So what's that?" Kathryn asked, gesturing with her fork towards the book that Beverly was carrying.

"This is our family photo album. I was thinking that once we've finished eating we can look at some of the photos and I can share some of our stories."

"I'd like that."

* * *

An hour later the pair were sat on the sofa looking through the photos together.

"So this is your first official photo." Beverly explained, gesturing towards a 3-D sonogram picture that held pride of place on the first page of the album. "I was about three months gone when I actually realised I was pregnant," Beverly shrugged at Kathryn's look of amazement, "I know I know, you'd think a Doctor would know better, my only excuse was that I was rather stressed and distracted at the time."

For a while, the pair continued to look through the pictures, the occasional laugh or question arising as the pictures showed Beverly's bump continuing to grow. At one picture, Kathryn actually laughed out loud and Beverly turned to glare at her unrepentant child.

'I'll have you know that being pregnant brings with it some interesting cravings, where do you think your love of coffee comes from?" Beverly defended, the page open to a photo of Beverly feasting on coffee ice cream, chocolate expresso beans and expresso syrup. "Just be glad I was responsible enough to avoid drinking the coffee liqueur." She joked, before turning to the next page. "Oh now here we go. These were taken on the day that you were born. Little scamp that you were, you had me in slow labour for two and a half days and then when you finally deigned to come out, you were back to back. The Doctors were slightly mystified considering you had been in a perfect position up until then. You must have turned around the time that I went into labour and since once I got going there were no real issues, we didn't know until it was too late. Lucky for us though, you were a dinky little thing and so I could push you out without any major problems." Beverly smiled and then pointed at the next image. "So this picture is our first group shot, just you and me. Nana took it, she said even if I felt like a mess, I'd regret not having that picture in the long term." Beverly ran her finger over the delicate features of the baby in the photo and then lifted her eyes to look at her now grown up child. "She was right, I would have."

Turning back to the photos, Beverly sighed,

"You were so quiet, just staring at me as though you were trying to figure me out. I remember wondering about how such a calm and contented baby could have come from me. Ooh but then, then you screamed and I realised that as calm as you might seem on the surface, below that was a temper just like mine. To be brutally honest it reassured me, to know that there was something of me in you, because up until that moment all I had seen was your father."

Kathryn smiled at that, for even she had noticed that the resemblance to Picard was uncanny when she was first born.

As the pair continued to look through the photos, Kathryn began to quieten until the questions and comments ceased completely causing Beverly to turn to her in concern.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just…" Kathryn hesitated, swallowing as she fought back tears, "I guess as much as you've helped me recently, I still thought that you'd maybe not wanted me, that perhaps I was simply a mistake."

Hearing Kathryn's devastating confession, Beverly instantly put the book aside and pulled her into a warm hug,

"Oh no, my little one, never ever think that you weren't wanted. I admit that I was little scared when I first found out, but that was more about what kind of parent I would be, not the fact that I was having a child. I was worried about being a good mom, and things like that but I was so excited to meet you and when you got here, it was amazing. You were so perfect, a delicate little faerie with the temper of a raging bull," Beverly briefly squeezed her tighter, "You were and are my everything. My new beginning, my yellow rose." Beverly pulled back and gently pushed back a lock of Kathryn's hair, smiling lovingly at her. "The reasons I had for giving you up were never about me not wanting you. If I could have kept you with me, believe me when I say, I would have in a heartbeat. We were a team, you and I, us against the world, I used to say."

"Then why?" Kathryn pleaded.

"To protect you." Beverly stated simply.

"Protect me? Protect me from what?"

"Not from what but from whom," Beverly corrected.

"Not…" Kathryn stumbled, suddenly wondering if there was more to her parents' separation than she had first believed. Beverly quickly pulled her daughter close again, and Kathryn snuggled into her mother's embrace seeking out the comfort that was being offered.

"No, of course not. Your father is a peaceful man, and he never knew about you, and even if he had, he would never have been angry, not at me, and certainly not at you. No the threat came from another man."

* * *

_Nearly twenty-one years earlier…_

"Ok this is getting ridiculous, seriously little one you need to stop using my bladder as a soccer ball." Beverly groused, glaring down at her eight month pregnant belly. However rather than a cessation of movement, her voice instead seemed to incite a round of even more energetic movement, leading Beverly to groan again. "Right that's it, let's go take a walk, maybe that will calm you down," and with that Beverly stood up and started moving towards the cafe entrance. As she moved closer, she accidentally bumped into a man with her belly, and keeping her head down in embarrassment at her clumsiness, Beverly apologised, before quickly exiting, never noticing the angry expression that flashed across the face of the man, who had turned to watch her leave.

* * *

_Present time._

"His name was Jack Crusher and at the time I didn't even recognise him. We were never more than passing acquaintances although it was through him that I met your father. He'd been pestering me for a date and I had been considering accepting, if only to stop him asking, but when I met your father, well, Jack never stood a chance after that, as soon as I saw him, I knew he was the one."

"Jeese, enough with the mushy stuff, Mama," Kathryn murmured from the depths of Beverly's lap, where she had laid down during the story, although from her teasing tone, Beverly could tell that in reality she was probably relieved to hear how her mother, at least had felt about their relationship.

"Anyway, like I said, at the time I didn't recognise him, which made sense since it had been over two years since I'd last seen him last and obviously we hadn't been that close. What I didn't realise was the extent of the issues that Jack had with Jean-Luc, the anger and absolute hatred that he held against him and by extension, me." Beverly paused and took a deep breath. The emotions linked to the next portion of the story threatening to overwhelm her.

"I didn't see Jack again until over a month and a half later."

* * *

_Starfleet Academy, Twenty-years ago…_

"So that's Picard's bastard is it?" A scornful voice asked from behind Beverly, who had been stood showing Kathryn the yellow roses that were once again in bloom and held such meaning for her. Instinctively pulling her baby closer, Beverly turned slowly to face the source of the aggressive voice.

"Hello Beverly," the man greeted tauntingly. "How have you been?" Beverly stared at the man, confused by his familiarity with both her and Jean-Luc, even as he remained a stranger to her. Eventually after examining his features for several moments, Beverly suddenly placed him.

"Jack Crusher?" She asked in surprise.

"Oh now she remembers me. Didn't seem to even notice me the last time we bumped into each other."

"Bumped into each other? I haven't seen you in over two years." Beverly responded, stepping back and away from the man.

"I guess old Johnny boy has rubbed off on you more than I expected," Jack snapped, "He was always such an arrogant self absorbed bastard, walking around with his nose in the air, convinced that he knew what was best for everyone. Never expected that you would end up being the same, but I guess having his child has made you feel like you're better than the rest of us mere mortals. You certainly seemed to think that when I bumped into you at that cafe."

"Cafe?" Beverly murmured, trying to remember the encounter.

"Yeah, there you were, fat as a whale, talking to yourself and then you wouldn't even look at me when you bumped into me. That hurt, Beverly, that really hurt."

"Well I'm very sorry for upsetting you, however if you will excuse me, we have to go. We can only stay outside for so long." Beverly explained, gesturing in the direction of her apartment with the hand that had been cradling Kathryn's head against her, before taking another step away from Jack.

"Now, now, don't be rushing off. We were just having a friendly conversation after all, no need to get all funny and talk about leaving." Jack placated, although his expression was twisted into a cruel sneer. "You know I expected better of you, Beverly. It was bad enough when you went off with Picard, although I guess I could understand that really. I mean Picard had a higher rank than me and sleeping with him would definitely help your career, but to have his kid, what is up with that?"

"I'm not going to even dignify such a statement with a response, you sick bastard." Beverly snapped angrily. "I think its best if you just leave, Jack, now."

"Oh come on, Bevs, ditch the kid and I'll show you what a real man is like. Picard's gone, he'll never know." Beverly stared at the man stood before her in disgust, but before she had the chance to comment, or do something drastic, another voice interrupted.

"I believe the lady said no." Boothby rasped, as he walked through his rose bushes and came to stand beside her.

"This ain't none of your business, old man. Me and the lady were just chatting and so I suggest you get lost." Jack threatened, moving towards the pair.

"I don't think so." Boothby countered and then without a second thought, he tapped his combadge, calling for security, at which point, Jack took one last look at Beverly and quickly bolted.

* * *

_Present time._

"I thanked Boothby, and took you straight home. I don't think I put you down that entire evening. I just needed to hold you, to know that we were safe."

"That wasn't the end of it though, was it?" Kathryn guessed, instinctively knowing that such a small scare would not have been enough to convince her mother to give her up.

"No, no it wasn't. Over the next month, I kept getting messages from Jack. They ranged from simply asking me to date him, to horrible messages about Jean-Luc, me, and even you." Beverly shivered as she remembered the fear that would fill her every time she received a new message. "After a month though, the messages suddenly stopped. Stupidly I thought that it was over. I'd informed Starfleet after the first few messages and so I hoped that the messages stopping was a sign that maybe they had found him. I was wrong."

* * *

_Twenty-years ago…_

"Now you're sure that you don't mind watching her?" Beverly asked again, still cradling Kathryn close rather than handing her to Mia, her words and action causing Mia to roll her eyes in affectionate amusement.

"Actually you're right, in the last thirty seconds since you last asked I have changed my mind and refuse to watch your daughter. After all if she's anything like her mother, how will I get any peace tonight?" Mia teased. "Seriously Beverly, go have a nice meal with your Nana, we'll be right here when you get back, won't we little munchkin? Who's looking forward to having a quiet evening in with her auntie Mia hey?" She cooed at the quiet baby lying in her mother's arms.

Beverly rolled her eyes at her friend's antics, before reluctantly handing the baby over.

"Ok fine, but if you need me I'm only a com badge call away. Nana and I are just going to that little Italian place down the road."

"I know, I know, you've only told me like six times, written it down and added it to the calendar on our computers, trust me I know where you're going to be. Now get going or you're going to miss your reservation." Mia stated shoeing her friend one-handed out the door.

"Ok, I'm going, I'm going. Bye my little love. Mommy will be back soon." And pressing a gentle kiss to Kathryn's forehead, Beverly turned and left the apartment.

"Mia to Beverly.. Beverly… help…" The communication shut off abruptly and Beverly stared at her grandmother in horror before leaping to her feet and sprinting for the door. Felissa followed only a moment later, having paused to ask a passing waitress to call for security to meet them at Beverly's apartment.

Beverly, meanwhile, was already halfway to her apartment, her mind focussed on one thing, getting back to her baby. Forgoing the lift, Beverly ran for the stairs and sprinted up them as fast as she could.

She stumbled to a halt, as she entered her floor and saw her door standing open. Debris was clearly visible, spilling out into the corridor from Beverly's apartment and her heart stopped at the sight, terror filling her at the thought of what that might mean.

"Mia, Mia?" She screamed as she raced into her home, searching everywhere for her friend. Not finding her in the living, she sprinted for the nursery, praying desperately that she would find her friend and daughter inside.

Upon entering the room, however, her worst fears were confirmed as she saw her friend's body lying crumpled on the floor and her baby's crib overturned next to her.

"No… please no." Frantically she began searching the room for her child, although in her heart she knew the truth, her daughter was gone and as the reality of the situation hit her, Beverly collapsed to the floor.

By the time that Felissa arrived at the apartment, Starfleet Security officers were already inside. Quickly flashing her own identity card and confirming that it was her granddaughter's home, Felissa entered the destroyed space, her heart skipping a beat at the violence which had to have occurred to have caused such damage.

Choosing to ignore the devastation for now, Felissa continued on through to the Nursery nervously wondering what she would find there. As she entered the room though, she faltered. The destruction of the rest of the apartment seemed minimal in comparison to the damage done to this room, and in the centre of it sat her granddaughter, her arms wrapped around her legs and her eyes staring vacantly ahead.

"Oh Beverly." Felissa gasped, knowing that only one thing could have caused such a reaction in her granddaughter, Kathryn was gone.

* * *

Felissa Howard was known for being a kind and loving person but right now as she stared at the empty shell that was her granddaughter, Felissa could have happily killed the person who stole her great-granddaughter. In the four days that had passed since the home invasion and subsequent kidnapping, there had been no sign of the baby and she knew that Starfleet Security were starting to wonder whether it was even possible that Kathryn was still alive. Felissa resisted the urge to scream as she considered the injustice of the situation, the sadistic cruelty of the person who had done this and the pain that was filling her as she watched her granddaughter slowly kill herself. Beverly had barely eaten in the days that had followed the kidnapping and Felissa knew that if hadn't been for the sedatives that the medical personnel had slipped her the previous day, then she wouldn't have slept either.

Felissa gazed into the nursery where Beverly sat clutching a small stuffed panda to her chest, staring at the empty crib which should have held her baby.

It had been that stuffed panda that had finally broken Beverly. As the officers had combed through the room for clues, they had unearthed the toy from what had been the changing table. As soon as she seen it, Beverly had snatched it from the officer and started rambling.

"She hasn't got Jeffrey, they took her, but left behind Jeffrey. How will she sleep without him? He's her favourite toy, she needs him. She's with some stranger and she doesn't even have Jeffrey to comfort her."

Even remembering the words made Felissa's eyes start to well up. She had never felt so useless before, unable to help or even soothe her granddaughter's pain. Instead she had been forced to watch as her granddaughter slipped away, hiding behind a mask, locked away in her own pain.

Briefly, Felissa had wondered whether she should contact Kathryn's father, if only to provide Beverly with someone who might better understand her grief. However when she began investigating his whereabouts she discovered that he was on a deep space assignment, and Felissa had come to the conclusion that trying to contact him may lead to more problems than solutions. In addition to the distance, whatever support he might have been able to provide Beverly, may have been lost in his own anger or terror regarding the child he knew nothing about, who was now missing.

Leaving her grand-daughter alone, Felissa returned to the living room, idly picking up the PADD that had been delivered a few hours earlier, once again paging through the updated report on the search for Kathryn.

So far every lead that they had followed had lead to a dead end. Mia's attacker had struck from behind, having bypassed security protocols and gaining entry to the apartment, without anyone being alerted to their presence. From there, they were then able to steal the child and get away before Beverly made it home. There had been no traceable evidence left behind and beyond the messages that Beverly had been receiving prior to the incident, there was no hint of who the attacker might be. Beverly had remained convinced that Jack Crusher was the kidnapper but an alibi placed him on the other side of San Francisco at the time of the attack, and so although Starfleet Security had remained suspicious, they had to start considering other options.

Sitting down at the dining room table, Felissa dropped her head into her hands, allowing some of her pent up tears to fall as she wondered whether there was any chance that she might see her great-granddaughter again.

* * *

_Present time._

"Late on the afternoon of the fourth day after you had been taken, a woman walked into a nearby hospital with a baby that she claimed was hers. The baby was quite ill and the doctors were instantly on alert, especially once they started asking her specific questions about the child and she failed to answer any of them."

"So she was the one who took me?" Kathryn asked, her brow scrunched up in confusion.

"No, she was just a devastated woman who found a baby and tried to take care of it. Turns out she had lost her own baby a few months before and when she found you lying in a ditch, she thought it was a second chance. But when she took you home, you were already so ill that you couldn't take any of the bottles that she tried to give you and eventually, terrified that she was losing another child, she took you to a hospital. She was a woman lost in her own grief but she tried to look after you."

"So who?"

"A few days after you were found, a single black rose was delivered to the apartment. It had no signature but the message attached to it was enough. I knew who had come after us."

"So was that when you decided to give me away?"

"No. Whilst you were still in the hospital recovering, Starfleet Security came to see me. Since the threat against us was still real, they offered to put us into protective custody, and give us a new life, and initially I accepted. A few days later, however, our apartment was broken into again and another message was left in your crib and I realised that as long as you were with me, even if we were given a new life, you would never be safe as long as he was free. He would keep hunting us, and he knew that you were more important to me than anything else, so you would always be a target, so I changed the plan."

Beverly wiped away the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks and taking a deep breath she began the final part of her story.

"I informed Starfleet that whilst I would take the offer of protective custody another option had to be found for you. We eventually decided that the safest thing was for Kathryn Howard to disappear. So over the next couple of weeks, we allowed certain details to leak out. It was easy really, the press had been following the story since the moment you were taken and even after I got you back, they still wanted updates. These leaks suggested that you were succumbing to your injuries, when in reality you were once again proving what a strong little girl you were by recovering quickly. Finally a report was released that you had… that you had…" Beverly stumbled over those final terrible words and broke down into painful sobs, the memories of those days and weeks overwhelming her completely.

Kathryn quickly sat up and wrapped her arms around her mother.

"Thank you for telling me." She murmured into her ear and then tightening her grip, she whispered. "I love you, Mama."

"I love you too, so much." Beverly whimpered, holding her daughter tighter, relishing in the knowledge that whatever else might happen in the days ahead her daughter was safe and back in her life.

* * *


End file.
